War is Hell
by gymnastfreak818
Summary: Everyone seems to neglect that small fact. War is glorified in the history books.


Okay, so owanalilypotter suggested that I should write _Being There_, from James' perspective. So here it is. This is from James' perspective. Although I am going to say that this was harder to write than _Being There_. I mean that finding the right words was hard and I'm not even sure that I did find the right ones. I hope that this comes across as that James is a good person even though he and Lily aren't perfect. Anyway, I'm shutting up now. Let me know what you think once you've read it.

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><p><em>War is Hell<em>.

Everyone seems to neglect that small fact. War is glorified in the history books. They don't tell you about all the gory details. The books don't tell you about the stench of dead bodies or how horrible it is to watch a person die. The books don't tell you what it's like to fight for your survival. The books don't tell you how to deal with the fact that you've killed someone. And yes, each and every person you've killed was in self defense. But it doesn't matter, you've still taken lives in order to save your own and the lives of the people you love. The books don't tell you these things. All your experience about war came from books. And so, you wish that the books had told you all these things. Maybe knowing these things could have prepared you more or maybe not. The one thing that you wish the books had told you were that "_War is hell." _

At seventeen, James Potter left Hogwarts with his best girl by his side and three of the best mates anyone could ask for. So when Dumbledore approached him three weeks after leaving, he jumped on the opportunity. After all, James wanted to make a difference. He had read about the _glory and honor_ of war. So he ran head first into the Order of the Phoenix bringing along Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lily. Because after all, James knew, somewhere deep down in his subconscious, that he wouldn't survive this war unless he had those four people watching his back.

James was itching to do something, anything to help the cause. His first mission was simply surveillance. Well, it was supposed to only be surveillance. But when you put Sirius Black and James Potter in the same place, things never go exactly as planned. Somehow, and James can't even tell you how, they helped take down three Death Eaters. That first mission instilled _glory and honor_ in the psyche of James Potter. James and Sirius returned to the Order triumphant. They were bright neon colors for the rest of the week. No one could rain on their parade.

_War is hell._

Months went by and the enthusiasm that James held for the Order continued to grow. He would go on mission after mission to try to make the world a better place. That's what he told everyone, he wanted the world to be a better place. Of course, the _glory and honor_ that he received didn't discourage him either. It was after one mission where he broke his arm; he realized that he could get hurt. James Potter wasn't invincible. So, after his arm was healed, he did the only thing he could think of: he proposed to Lily Evans. He knew they were young, but it didn't take much persuading to make Lily say yes.

So the wedding was planned. Sirius was the best man, and Alice Longbottom was the matron of honor. The wedding was small, only a few close friends. It was one day that wasn't marred by the war. Everyone was supremely happy the day that James Potter married Lily Evans. Jokes were made; most of them were at James' expense. Sirius tried to convince Lily to run away with him (because everyone knew that Sirius Black was the cooler version of James Potter). Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew both got extremely drunk. Yes, the wedding of James Potter and Lily Evans was the happiest day anyone had had in a long time.

_War is hell._

The war didn't stop though. That one day of happiness didn't stop the war. It continued thriving and growing. The war started to get worse. The resistance that the Order gave didn't seem to be enough anymore.

_War is hell._

Missions became vital. The more information that was known would make winning the war easier. After all, knowledge is power. James Potter took to the order like a fly does to honey. Of course, there were casualties in the life of James Potter. No one died, per say. The war consumed James' life leaving little room for anything else. Seeing his _wife_ became a luxury. Seeing his _best mates_ didn't happen very often. But he told himself over and over again that it would be all worth it once they beat Voldemort. After all, he knew his _wife_ and _best mates_. He knew that they understood why the war consumed his life. Of course there is a fine line between understanding and frustration.

_War is hell._

The first time James Potter realized that maybe, just maybe his _wife_ didn't understand was six months into their marriage. They fought over something so simple that James doesn't even remember what the fight was about. All he remembers is that fight opened the flood gates. Soon all they did was fight. He was used to arguing with Lily. But somehow these arguments seemed heavier. There was more to them than just fighting. There was an undercurrent of something, although what that something was is still a mystery. So, in order to cool off from fighting two separate wars, James increased his time with Sirius, Peter and Remus. They went to bars and got drunk, just as if there was no war going on. They tried to pretend that at everything was the same at eighteen as it was at sixteen. There would be nights where he wouldn't go home because it was _easier_ to spend the night at Sirius'. It was _easier_ to pretend that he only had one war to fight, especially since he doesn't remember when the second one started. Technically he was avoiding his _wife_, but he looked at it as spending time with friends. After all, everyone needed some fun in their lives, right?

James remembers the day that Lily told him she was pregnant. It was bright and sunny. He had just gotten back from tracking Death Eaters. She was sitting at the table drinking a cup of tea. He joined her at the table, trying to figure out when exactly the woman in front of him had stopped being the _girl_ he married. The words that came out of his mouth shocked him to the core, "James, I'm pregnant." He sat there stunned for three whole minutes. His mind was going at top speed. How were they supposed to raise a child in the middle of a war? When was the last time that he had had sex with his wife? So, without thinking he asked, "Is it mine?"

Only after asking the question did he realize what it implied and wished he could take it back. But he couldn't. He just sat at the table as Lily responded, "Yes James. The child is fucking yours," and left the room.

_War is hell._

For a while it seemed like things were working between James and Lily. They grew to accept the fact that they were having a child. But then James left. He and Sirius were going under cover. The things that they could learn could help end the war. James wanted a better world for his unborn child. He and Lily argued for days about the mission. But in the end, he went. He missed the birth of his child. That was one thing he will regret for the rest of his life. He didn't get to see Harry James Potter being brought into the world. He also regrets the moments of Harry's life that he has missed.

They went into hiding just a month after Harry was born. His missions were at a standstill. But even living in Godric's Hollow didn't stop James from helping the Order. He needed to make the world a better place for _his son_. Just because he was in hiding didn't mean he couldn't help. Of course he could see that Lily wasn't happy with him. He knew that she was unhappy. But he didn't know what to do. They weren't the same people anymore and he didn't know how to bridge who they were to who they are.

They celebrated Harry's birthday, just the three of them. For once he could tell that Lily was happy that her son had lived to see his first birthday. James just stared at the person in front of him. His _wife_ was just a shell of the person she once was. He tried to pinpoint the exact moment she stopped being his _fiery, colorful_ Lily, but he couldn't. No because his once _vivid, vivacious_ Lily stopped being everything that he had loved about her. She only seemed to live for Harry. That was the one thing they had in common. They both _loved_ Harry. So maybe they could start to rebuild their life together. Maybe they were married too soon. Maybe they should have waited, but they both _loved_ Harry. That was something, wasn't it? James decided that he was going to _be there_ on Harry's first birthday. He was finally going to grow up because his _wife _and _son _needed him.

He just wished that he had decided it sooner. That he hadn't missed out on so much of Harry's young life. He wished that the history books had told him that _War is hell._


End file.
